Don’t Sing…

I can’t sing.  The scripture “I can do all things through Christ…”  is one of my favorites.  I dare not negate its authority in my life.  However, it does go on to say, “through Him who gives me strength.”  And He who is in me, hasn’t strengthened this ability in me.  To add insult to my inability, I also have Hashimoto’s Thyroid disease.  Thyroid nodules only further impact the strained horn like sound erupting from my vocal chords. The obnoxious disease’s impact on my metabolism also adds strain to the size of my butt, but that’s a story for another post.  Needless to say,  I cannot sing.

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As a young mother, I would often, instinctually hum or sing a lullaby in an attempt to comfort my first child.  Maggie, in the beginning, would cry if I broke into a chorus.  Hmm, curious?  Later she would reach up and cover my lips with her chubby little hand and say “No mommy, don’t sing.”  After John was born, I had given up the fantasy of singing to soothe and instead invested in a Linda Ronstadt CD.  Maggie, apparently traumatized by my adenoidal squawking, would lay outside the nursery door, weeping and begging me to save the baby from the “Sqwaury moosik.”  So I bought him an instrumental CD. And, I stopped singing; other than silly, intentional crooning to make the children laugh. In the van, I can turn the radio up loud enough the kids, nor I must endure my cackle.   And in church, when its time to worship I can simply mouth the words.  This worked for me – until we changed churches.

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It happened about three years ago.  The church we had come from was much less – Evangelic.  The pastor at the old church had a favorite joke:  A woman has her hands raised high singing and an usher walks over and says “Ma’am what are you doing?” and the woman says “I am just filled with the Holy Sprit and am praising the Lord fearlessly!” and the usher says “Not here you’re not.”  (I love that bit.)  Our new church was filled with worship energy that couldn’t be contained.  At one of our earlier visits, as we acclimated to our new surroundings, we were in the care of a young foster child whose little soul reveled in the church’s vibe.  The worship music would start, and this little guy would put both hands in the air and sing at the top of his lungs; granted, the wrong words and loud.  The congregation would only be further moved by this innocent display, and the Spirit would erupt. My dear husband, more comfortable in the old setting, would plead with me, “Why is he doing that?  Can you make him stop?”  And no, I couldn’t.  And, I didn’t want to…

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So the new church is our church home now, and I have mouthed the words to some of the most beautiful music I have ever heard.  I uncontrollably weep as the praises burst forth.  I covet the worship team.  The worship leader, Brandon and I went to high school together, and occasionally his wife will sing on Sundays.  I try to contain myself; Heaven forbid there be another incident like the one at the Garth Brookes concert in 1989 at Taylor County Collesium. (Sorry Garth, I was young and had friends in low places too.)  I think I am her biggest fan.  One night after she sang “Here With Us” at a Christmas concert Brandon put pictures up of her on Facebook.  I was moved to tears, just like when I heard her sing the evening before.  I want what she has.  An angelic voice crying out to the God she adores.  I want to sing at the top of my lungs in poetic harmony and hit all the high notes flawlessly.  I want to belt out His majesty in a way that brings good tears, not nightmares.  And if I am honest, I want to do it in a sparkly dress with her tiny waist.

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And this occurs to me:  I just want to worship.

Like the little boy we had the honor of housing, I want the freedom to raise my hands high with reckless abandon.  I want to praise Him in the streets and in my work without apology.  I want to say that which convicts me, that which is written.  And most importantly I want to do it in a way that brings glory.  The hardest part of this is sometimes I will squawk.  Sometimes the back of my dress will be tucked into my control top panty hose and onlookers will get to see my whole hiney.  Other days I might be told I am doing it wrong, or poorly, or I that I sound like a wounded goose.  But I have decided – I will worship.

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I wrote this on my iPhone again. I had promised my editor I would stop doing this on the fly posting, but a song so inspired me, I had to use my voice. I had to let my adoration and thanksgiving burst forth and shout “I will sing!  I will write!  I will preach it!” And I hope that you will do the same. My prayer for anyone who reads this is that you are set free from any word that has hindered your song.  That you are encouraged to step out and sing, speak, or minister. I have played ZOE Group singing “Here I am I Am To Worship” 100 times this morning.  My soul craves worship.  It is a cool drink of water to a weary spirit. The enemy hates worship of any kind.  He will take any opportunity to silence you. Send him to the foot of the cross where he has no choice but to worship.  May your day be filled with the joyful sounds of worship.  I pray He that is in you brings a melody to your heart and a smile to your face!   Sing it sisters!

Sing to the Lord all the earth, proclaim His salvation dad after day!  

1 Chronicles 16:23


When I asked Brandon if I could use the picture of Sheryl singing in this post, he said she would be touched and that leading worship is very hard because they often don’t feel worthy.  That “many days it’s an outright struggle.” I love the work that Brandon and ZOE group do.  The ZOE Group music is available on iTunes and all digital media platforms or   ordered direct from ZOE at http://www.zoegroup.org

ZOE Group

ZOE Group

About jamiamerine

I am a wife, mom, & seeker of joy! I love to share funny and inspirational tales with my fellow moms. I fully believe that God intended laughter to be a form of rest and worship. I have a few kids. I have a few years on me. I have a great husband. And I love to laugh. I studied home economics in college, I can cook just about anything, but do not ask me to sew. In my graduate work I studied education and human development, I consider my life continuing education, my children are my ongoing thesis. If they survive that, I will let you know! I write non-fiction for laughter, respite, and inspiration. I also am in the process of submitting my first fiction mystery and have two more in the works! Mom life is hard work. My prayer for my readers is that, even if it you just have five minutes, you can be inspired and encouraged today. Keep it short and sweet... rest in Jesus girlfriend.
This entry was posted in christianity, mommy life and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Don’t Sing…

  1. Teresa Donaghey says:

    You’re too funny! I love your postings, they are such an inspiration. I don’t sing very well either so I try to remind myself that I’m making a “joyful noise unto the Lord” lol

    Liked by 1 person

  2. zoebst says:

    YES!!! Thank you so much, Jami! I know Sheryl will be honored by your words, as am I! I am so proud to be your friend and love reading your posts! I’m so glad you guys are at Highland!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Colleen B says:

    This is hilarious! Your writing just flows perfectly!:)
    I think we all have that something that we wish we could do and dream of doing but no matter what, just…can’t muster up the skill.:)
    I like your attitude, the little child you’re caring for knows what we adults don’t, just sing anyway!:)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Joelle Roibal says:

    Excellent thought and also this spoke to something in my prayer journal. I’m so glad you chose to ignore your editor and do an iPhone post for us. 😉
    I love the church you mentioned. My husband and I sneak over occasionally 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. aAlabamaDill says:

    My Mom always said she knew we were growing up when we would ask her not to sing us lullabies. Her hubby of 60+years,is not just a minister, but his minor was in music and he taught singing schools across th south. I told her when I was bitty and I still believe it-I can’t wait to hear her in heaven, because I think he voice there will be spectacular!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I loved this post. It made me laugh out loud! So glad you use your writing gift and I’m sure God loves hearing your voice even if your children don’t:)

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Emily Brinks says:

    Go out there and sing to high heaven! God loves your voice.

    Like

  8. Pingback: And Then a Riot Broke Out in Target! | sacredgroundstickyfloors

  9. I do sing. God blessed me with that gift and I have used it a lot in choirs, small groups and solos in many different venues. So I was surprised one day in the dental chair to realize that I was doing some kind of quiet, tuneless disjointed singing while the dentist worked on me. Apparently there was just enough pain that I was self-soothing in this manner. The only explanation I have is that my mother can’t carry a tune and must have sung something similar when I was a baby. Apparently it worked enough that I was still doing it for myself when needed. I am sorry that your daughter is not as accepting of your attempts to soothe her.

    Like

  10. Stacey says:

    Yes yes yes! Love this!

    Like

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