31 Days of Stuff I Wish You’d Stop Saying: Day 13 Are you Awake?

In our house, there are a number of ways to wake Justin and me. Screaming your head off for, yet another, bottle in the middle of the night or even pooping your pants is very effective. Our teenage sons like to watch horror flicks and cook bacon and sing, loudly, at all hours of the night. I can go to bed with a spotless kitchen and wake to find it in shambles. One time they made a turkey. Like roasted an entire turkey, I had bought it for a potluck. They roasted it, after 10 pm, and ate it. Actually in all fairness, I slept through that.

Another effective means of waking us, which is my least favorite, is when one of the teen boys comes and stands at the foot of the bed. The “boys” are 6’3, their silhouettes look like full grown men standing there in the dark. 100 years ago they’d have been land owners with six kids of their own: but now days they stay at home and eat and terrorize their mommy. When they do this and you wake to this frightening sight, you fully believe you are about to be killed by an ax murdered. There’s no going back to sleep after they pull that one. The giant man-children also like to wrestle on the second story, above our heads. Which sounds like the house will fall down. Sometimes, when they are up late, roasting things, they wrestle in the kitchen. This sounds like a bar fight.

I love that bit.
I would have to say my favorite method of being awakened from a deep sleep is the texting method. This method is very intriguing because all four of the “original” kids begin these nighttime texts with:

“are you awake?”
11:30 pm Maggie: are you awake? You won’t believe who just texted me!?!?!?
12:45 am Sophie: are you awake? You won’t believe what just happened!!??
1:55 am Luke: are you awake? My braces are killing me!
4:00 am John: are you awake? I need help typing my paper.

I do not know what these people think I am doing? It fascinates me. Do they think I am sitting up waiting for their texts? Perhaps just getting home from the bar? Do they take time out from their late night schedules to picture me stumbling home in fishnet tights and teased bangs? Or maybe… they think I am out fighting crime? Like Wonder Woman? And I can use my invisible airplane to get back here speedy quick to be at their beck and call? I actually have something to tell you, children. I am, in fact, asleep.

I like sleep.

I need sleep.

I want more of it.
And I assume each person reading this wonders why I don’t put my phone on “do not disturb.” And I will tell you. First of all, we are on call for a foster placement. They can call at any time and we want to be available. But the second reason is for the general safety of our family. Once, when we had just got a special needs foster placement and we knew we would not be getting a call I did turn on the do not disturb function. The next morning I turned my phone on to this:
John: Are you awake?
Luke: Are you awake?
John: Mom!!!!!!!
Luke: Mom, are you awake? Where is the fire extinguisher?
John: Mom where is the fire extinguisher it’s an emergency!
Luke: MOM!!! What is the number for 911???  Hello???
John: NVM, it’s too late….

And indeed, it was too late. Needless to say, I keep my phone on during the night. I might point out to my children that they should just kind of count on me being asleep after 9:00, they can skip the “are you awake?” Let’s not mince words. I am asleep. It will save them and me time. Just ask what you need to ask and let’s move on to getting back to sleep.

I love you each.  Goodnight.  Mom

“When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet…” Proverbs 3:24 (someday…)

May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained.  Love, Jami

I l

About jamiamerine

I am a wife, mom, & seeker of joy! I love to share funny and inspirational tales with my fellow moms. I fully believe that God intended laughter to be a form of rest and worship. I have a few kids. I have a few years on me. I have a great husband. And I love to laugh. I studied home economics in college, I can cook just about anything, but do not ask me to sew. In my graduate work I studied education and human development, I consider my life continuing education, my children are my ongoing thesis. If they survive that, I will let you know! I write non-fiction for laughter, respite, and inspiration. I also am in the process of submitting my first fiction mystery and have two more in the works! Mom life is hard work. My prayer for my readers is that, even if it you just have five minutes, you can be inspired and encouraged today. Keep it short and sweet... rest in Jesus girlfriend.
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15 Responses to 31 Days of Stuff I Wish You’d Stop Saying: Day 13 Are you Awake?

  1. martymayes says:

    We should really start a club. Sleepless in Motherhood! I’m sure we all have emergencies and would love to know someone is actually awake for them to share their emergency with. I can’t count the times I’ve need a friendly ear to let me rant to in the obscenely earlier hrs of the morning.

    As always, this was hysterical! I love being able to read these before my body finally gives up and let’s me sleep.

    Have a blessed day! 🌻🌻🌻

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sam says:

    My kids are young and still at home so I don’t get the texts at night, but I can completely relate to the middle of the night- kid hanging over my face– “Mommy, are you awake?… I can’t find my blanket… I had a bad dream… there’s a spider on the wall…I don’t feel good… I can’t stop coughing…I can’t find (insert any # of stuffed animal/ doll names)
    LOL I’m enjoying your 31 days posts.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Teresa Donaghey says:

    I love reading your posts! May the Lord continue to bless your ministry ❤️


  4. Oh my word. Did that burned up kitchen photo really happen to you??


  5. Grandma Jan says:

    I’m now a grandma, and enjoying your posts tremendously. Forever etched in my memory is launching from a sound sleep with someone standing next to my bed in the dark, wiggling my big toe and whispering, “There’s a lion in my bedroom.” When I peeled myself from the ceiling, I asked my 10-year-old son, “Why are you whispering?” The answer: “You get crabby if I wake you up.” Ah, the logic of children. Bless you in your efforts. They are worth every minute of lost sleep.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Dawn says:

    ahhhh….and it doesn’t stop when they go away to college! I have one daughter (whom is 10 hours away and finished college) text me when she gets home after being out with friends (which of course is in…the.middle.of.the.night) or back from an hour & 1/2 trip (cause you know anything can happen)….the same with my second daughter (1 &1/2 hours away) when she gets back to her dorm, to her friends dorm etc.. at night. They have even talked with me on the phone when going to their cars, from cars to apt. etc…then they text when they are upset, sick, etc..of course.. all.in.the.middle.of.the.night! I have a son still at home, have no idea how it will be when he goes to school but…if now is any indication…yep, I will be getting texts from him late too! Guess when we stop getting texts we will get more sleep..but then will we be sad?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Debbie says:

    Just got a text last night from my away-at-college daughter asking me to send her baking soda in her next care package. She sent the text at 1:19 am and of course, it woke me up because we are primed to wake up to the sound of our phones because our children might need us. My question is why was she even thinking about baking soda in the middle of the night? Does she want to bake cookies or scour out a sink in her dorm room? So strange…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Melissa says:

    And all the mommas said Amen!

    Liked by 2 people

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