31 Days of Stuff I Wish You’d Quit Saying: Day 26 “No offense but..”

Truly, this is a precursor to an insult. The statement, “No offense but…” Was never followed by:  “You’re gorgeous! So perfectly thin!  And your kids are so well behaved!”

Ever.

I’d rather just be insulted up front. Just surprise me with, “you’re old to be still fighting acne!” The, “No offense, but you should try Proactive!” is a coward’s way.

And if you have the mindset to say: “no offense but,” you know you are about to say something offensive. So, just stop. Think. Now, if you still want to say the offense… Go ahead, but don’t pretend it’s not offensive. ( Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger… James 1:19)

I had a beautician who would say, “no offense but your ends are trashed.” Or “no offense but this color is brassy!” I was offended. Now I see another beautician (Hi Cindy!), and I love her because she’s honest and kind. She might suggest another color or recommend my ends be trimmed, but she never says, “No offense Jami, but you look like a mocking jay is nesting on your head.”

beauty shop

Because: this would be offensive. 

Granted sometimes there are barriers to clarity. Recently I got my nails done, and the Vietnamese woman doing my manicure had very broken English. As she finished my nails, she said, “you want me eyebrow wax?” And I said, “Sure!” And then, once I was on the table, and the light was blaring on my face she said, “I wax lip too.” And I thought she was asking.

She wasn’t.

lip wax

I said, “Oh, no thanks!” I am blonde?  Why would I need that?  And she said, “oh no. I no asking?  How you say? No offense you need lip wax.”

And that makes sense to me. I can’t be offended by this. Obviously, she sees something I cannot and apparently she thinks that our language allows criticism with the above. “No offense…”  Now I regularly get my eyebrows and my lip waxed without the awkward un-pleasantries.

I attended a Kiaros healing retreat recently and one of the seminars was on breaking off offenses. I hadn’t ever really considered them as baggage. But once the dialogue began I realized that I did own offenses that had been spoken to me. When someone hurts you or embarrasses you it often is something that sticks to you.  But no offense comes from the Lord.  So owning them is ownership of something from the enemy. Furthermore, it was explained, the offensive word needs to be loosed so that the person who spoke it isn’t bound either. (Matthew 18:18 & John 20:23)

These are deep concepts. But spiritually speaking, quite freeing.

eggs

I pray for my children, “Let no word fall on you that does you harm.  Only embrace that which, convicts, blesses, and heals.”  Granted, the two littles are fondly referred to as “The Vandals” in our home.  But it is a term of endearment – for they do vandalize often. But we embrace and love them. We hold hope that, someday they will outgrow their rascality ways. In the meantime,  we keep paints, tapes, adhesives, markers, crayons, golf clubs, knives, forks, felines, yard tools, eggs, flammables, radioactive materials, and combustibles under lock and key.

car on fire

We needn’t explain this to them with evasive pleasantries, “No offense, but you cannot have a fork until your brother is completely healed, and the eye patch comes off.”  No, we just state the facts. “You must eat with your hands as long as you continue to behave like a crazed, rabid badger when handed something shiny.”

It is more effective and they know what to expect.

And so, as we enter into the last days of the “31 Days of Stuff  I Wish You’d Quit Saying” it is time to cut to the chase.  Say what you will.  Tell me God told me to tell you, or that you’ll pray really hard, that I am not that great or that I look like I am expecting.  I am sure tomorrow I will feel different and the Lord will have renewed my strength…

No offense… I am exhausted.

asleep on laptop

So then, let us follow after things which make for peace, and things by which we may build one another up.  Romans 14:19

May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained!  Love, Jami

About jamiamerine

I am a wife, mom, & seeker of joy! I love to share funny and inspirational tales with my fellow moms. I fully believe that God intended laughter to be a form of rest and worship. I have a few kids. I have a few years on me. I have a great husband. And I love to laugh. I studied home economics in college, I can cook just about anything, but do not ask me to sew. In my graduate work I studied education and human development, I consider my life continuing education, my children are my ongoing thesis. If they survive that, I will let you know! I write non-fiction for laughter, respite, and inspiration. I also am in the process of submitting my first fiction mystery and have two more in the works! Mom life is hard work. My prayer for my readers is that, even if it you just have five minutes, you can be inspired and encouraged today. Keep it short and sweet... rest in Jesus girlfriend.
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9 Responses to 31 Days of Stuff I Wish You’d Quit Saying: Day 26 “No offense but..”

  1. Kimberly says:

    I use this one A LOT but hear me out: I almost always (almost always) use it to turn around a negative conversation. It works great – almost like a surprise tactic. For example: A mama is griping about her kids (I don’t judge, we all do it) and it’s getting a little long-winded so I say, “No offense, but I think your kids are near perfect!” And then they realize that maybe they are…

    However, my 8-year-old used this to insult her brother for a couple of weeks until I finally caught on, so…LOL!

    Like

  2. Teresa says:

    Thank you for the adorable humor softening the reminders we all need to be kind and considerate to each other! I loved this whole blog, especially the “vandals”…..perfect description for kids their ages!! Oh and thanks for the lip waxing reminder lol😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. mckelvie12 says:

    Thank you again for starting my day off with a laugh. Can’t wait to see you and the vandals this week. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  4. This also goes along with saying “just kidding” after something offensive. Those words doesn’t make it any less offensive.

    Liked by 2 people

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